Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
