Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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