so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
