New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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