There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
