one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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