I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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