I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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