Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
