he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
