He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
