So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize