ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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