You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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