No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize