dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
