i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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