yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
