why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
