did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize