i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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