I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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