when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
