The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
