Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just threw up on my dentist
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
