she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
