i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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