bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
