i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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