Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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