I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
