We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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