my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
