The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
