Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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