i don't like sucking hair
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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