Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She bit a glass in half.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
