When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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