So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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