My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
