You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
