It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
