Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
