why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
