Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
