I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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