Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
