Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
