Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
