roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
