the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
