why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize