OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is my life. Enjoy the view
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
