i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can u get pink eye on your cock?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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