i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Fuck appropriateness.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
