So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
