i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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