when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
