um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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