Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
