I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
