Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
