hotel room ftw
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
