you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
