Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
