Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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