i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize