I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
