You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
