Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
