If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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