He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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