I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
