okay pat passed out under dana's car
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
