I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
