I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I did not marry a roomba.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
