Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize