I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
