I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
