tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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