I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
