your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
