just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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