she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
