Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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