Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
