I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize