tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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