it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
