you would pick up someone in the library
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
