I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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