I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
