I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize