Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize