Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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