is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize