I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
