Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
