ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
