Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
