Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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