how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
