Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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