he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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