He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if only i could text you this smell
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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