She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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