Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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