This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
