idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
